Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2016 was good for you on a personal level, as we all know the idols of our childhoods have dropped like flies. 2017 can only get better!
I don’t really do resolutions as to me those are trendy goals, expected to be given up on by mid-February. However, there are some things I would like to continue to work on and some new things I would like to incorporate into my life. One of my main areas of focus is going to be social media and my overuse of it. I have done FB fasts before and Im always amazed at how productive I am and how much more peaceful I feel. So with that being said, I acknowledge I need to find a balance with real life and social media. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to just delete the whole thing and not look back, but it’s not that simple for me as that is the primary way my family in the USA have to contact me…sooooo, I need to hide the app from myself on my phone and limit my time on social media to just before bed or something.
As far as weight loss goes, I plan to still struggle along. I saw my surgeon Dec 23rd who is over the moon with my success (even though Im not lol) and said he would be perfectly happy if I never lost another pound but that knowing me I will keep on. He is a smart man and knows me pretty well! For now, my weight goal for 2017 is to hit 225lbs and stay there a while. This morning I was 249lbs, I have no idea how that compares to what I was for my last update, but its quite a bit up from where I was at my lowest-232lbs. So yeah. That blows!
The reason for the weight gain is my open wound that Im still….STILL dealing with from my apronectomy Aug 5, 2016. Healing Woundzilla became priority number uno so I had to eat A LOT….like 3000 cals minimum, with a major focus on protein. Now for anyone who is anyone knows that even with protein as a focus, you will put on some weight with 3000 cals a day. Good lord, the mind games are BACK!!! I can’t remember, but assume I disclosed I struggle with B.E.D. (binge eating disorder) and WLS does not touch your dysfunctional brain. Nope. Soooo, being given the red light to eat, eat is what I have done. Has it helped Woundzilla? Yes! I’m healing faster this time than I did with my duodenal switch and this wound had undermining/tunnelling and went from hip to hip. The eating has helped me physically, but holy lord the mental fuckery is off the CHARTS!!!!! I need to get a grip mentally. Confession time: sometimes I find myself eating to the point of being sick….ON PURPOSE!!! Yeah, that is NOT healthy, physically OR mentally. I am going to focus my energy on getting my disordered brain back in line. I was doing so well post apronectomy and then it all went to hell in a hand-basket very quickly.
My journey isn’t over, not even close. I don’t think it will ever be over. With a duodenal switch, you always, ALWAYS need to be on top of your vitamins and labs no matter the number on the scale…so I carry on doing the things and feeling like a failure at the same time. I’m sure I will make my goals, some how some way. Right now, the gym is out of the question as I sweat when I work out…great right? But I can only shower ever 2 days to help Woundzilla heal…and I am not one who can just sit in my own stench, so the gym will wait.
I still need my right hip and right knee replaced, but the one thing you cannot have when getting joint replacements, is an open wound. My life is on hold, again, still. Meh. It’s life and there are lessons to be learned along the way.
This year I am going to focus on what I REALLY want from life. I don’t even know what that is yet and Im nearly 40. Mentally I feel about 25 so that doesn’t help! But yeah, more me time, reading more books, less social media, less disordered thinking, more healthy choices…I really gotta get my shit together! Once Woundzilla is healed up, I’d love to say it will be ON…and it will be, until I get my hip replacement and I start the healing process all over again. Tis life though! Everyone struggles, some just deal with it better than others. I still don’t know which side of that I am on, but I do know by reading posts in groups on FB that I don’t moan about life as much as I could, so that’s a bonus haha.
Now without further ado, here is my awesome Christmas outfit. It was amazing and I felt like the embodiment of the Christmas spirit 🙂