It’s that time again when I should be doing a report, but instead I have watched 5 episodes of South Park, have checked my empty email like 10 times, and afterI’m done babbling here, I plan on doing a Tesco shop! Gotta love online grocery shopping!
I struggled to sleep last night. Finally dozed off about 1am, waking an hour before the alarm. So I’m running on 4 hours sleep and a protein coffee. There are bound to be typos in this post so I ask for your forgiveness now!
This time of year always makes me homesick. But I am homesick for a home that no longer exists. My parents divorced when I was 24 and Im nearly 37 now, but I still can’t wrap my head around it completely. It’s just weird to have so many family memories around the holidays and when I come to from a flashback of the good times, it’s like a slap in the face with a wet, smelly fish. I miss it. As dysfunctional as it all was, it was home. *sigh* I have no idea if I would be better adjusted if my parents had split when we were all kids, all I know is it is pretty fucked up in my head…..still. Part of it could be the mormon upbringing I had that families are together forever no matter what.humph. You all don’t care about all of this lol so sorry! I can’t really regret anything though because if anything was different in the past, things could/would be different now. You know, butterfly flaps it’s wings, causes hurricane type shit lol
I’m so not feeling the holidays this year. I’ve been through so much with my surgery and nearly dying that I’m just happy to be alive, no need for material gifts and such. Normally I am begging to put up the tree and lights, blasting christmas music, but I’m just not there, at all. I hope that changes a bit as I do have a stepson to put on a happy face for. Fake it til you make it, right? blah. bah humbug lol. Christmas is all about kids anyhow and he is now 12….so not long before he’s a grumpy teenager ignoring all of us old people haha.
His birthday was earlier this month and to celebrate we went to Cardiff Comicon. It was pretty cool. Being in a wheelchair puts you at an unfortunate level with dirty nerd boy pits, but other than that I did enjoy the spectacle. It was a lot of people though. Dang. Thankfully I knew someone working a stall so I had a hideout away from the crowd. I don’t like crowds, not even a little. I enjoy people watching but from afar….very very far lol
Whilst in Cardiff I was able to do bit of shopping. Got some size 28 jeans and I fit into an xxL shirt from HMV. Made my day! i still fell like a fat cow out in public, but less of a circus show, which is awesome. I cannot wait until I just blend in and can go around unnoticed by the masses. It’s interesting how things have already changed in regard to how people treat me and I’m still 350ish…..that should give some insight into the fact that those under 500lbs have NO IDEA how the world treats someone of that size. And I was/am a decently confident person, so my attitude hasn’t changed except as a reflection of how I am actually perceived. Going to be interesting how much different things will be at 250ish. I will be sure to report back 🙂
I think it is time for a new side by side (posted on social media a few weeks ago whilst I neglected by blog! boo!!!) But here is the superman shirt I got at HMV and my size 28 jeans