I had my op on Feb 18th and had a million complications. It did not look very good at all. My ever the optimist hubz was actually worried and thinking about how to get on with life without me. Yeah, it was bad.
Feb 18th, we drove to London and checked in for my op. In the afternoon I was wheeled down to theatre (the OR) and got on the table. I don’t remember the song that was playing but I remember dancing whilst they put me to sleep. I was excited and hopeful as in my mind I was either going to live and be out in a couple of days or die and that would be the end.
Well….yeah no. My laparoscopic op was over at 11pm. By 2am on the 19th I was rushed back into theatre and cut open as I was losing masses of blood and the stats were tanking. I had several blood infusions whilst they found the bleed and fixed me up.
Then I got a massive life-threatening infection in the open wound.
I did not regain consciousness until day 6. And then I was in ICU for 2 weeks, hallucinating the whole time. Morphine is not my friend! I saw things and spoke to people and had all sorts of experiences that never really happened! I still do not know what really went on and how much was just in my head. It really was scary to feel so out of control of my mind. And if another nurse asked me “if I was feeling ok” I was going to punch in the grill.
I was bed bound for over two weeks. You have no idea how much muscle strength you lose after a short time. I have never felt so weak in my entire life. I was more immobile than I ever was at my highest weight. Every day I get stronger, but I’m still not where I was.
As far as complications go, that is not all. I have also lost the use of my left hand except for my pinky and ring finger. The rest of the hand has been taken over by neuropathy. A burning, pins and needles, electric shock type pain. It really sucks.
Do I regret it? Do I have buyers remorse? I keep thinking I should after all that has gone wrong, but I cannot bring myself to regret the surgery. I was at a stalemate with my weight loss as was fighting the same 30lbs over and over again. Unable to lose more weight meant I was stuck with my broken hips forever. My future was bleak and permanent disability and homebound-ness was a sure thing. For those reasons I cannot regret doing this.
I still have 2 wounds. One is a stubborn lap one in my belly button that has caused all sorts of trouble. And then my huge open wound, which IS healing, just not as fast as I would prefer.
And all of this time, I have had to sleep on my back. I am a side/tummy sleeper…so this has been miserable. Last night, for the first time I slept on my tummy…it was blissful sleep but I woke up in agony. I couldn’t move. My back is a mess. I cried like a baby as my hubz gave me pain killers and helped me to the loo and back. Then he put icy/hot on it. omg. I feel so broken.
The great news in all of this is that I am now below 400lbs. JUST! A couple of days ago my weight was 398.6. It’s amazing! I never thought I would see that number. I am hopeful that I will be in the 200’s by Christmas.
I am finding the vitamin/supplement schedule a bit of a learning curve, but I learn by doing…and it is going well. I haven’t gagged or been sick over the huge horse pills, and I get at least 150g of protein a day so my risk of a life threatening deficiency is low and will remain low as long as I keep it up.
So yeah. I am alive, I just find it hard to type with one hand and a pinky. Life will get better. 🙂 I hope I am healed by summer so I can enjoy BBQs with my family 🙂
PS-sorry about any typos….my left hand issue REALLY REALLY sucks!!!!!