As Good of Time as Any…

It’s 3:12am and I can’t sleep.  I have been ill for a week and a half so far.  Hubz brought back a bug from America and we have both been very poorly.  Chest infections and antibiotics galore.  Fun fun fun.  I am miserable. This is the sickest I have been in many YEARS!  The chest infection aggravates my asthma so I have to carry around an inhailer at all times and my ears are plugged up like when I used to get ear infections as a child.  Needless to say I am feeling pretty sorry for myself.  However, I think I may be on the mend. Afterall, my dear friend (haha) insomnia seems to be back…ugh!

 

So, I read a really really good book the last couple of days.  It has completely changed my perspective of my journey.  Being obese for a lifetime, instead of just adulthood, has meant I have had to delve into myself like no other to try and figure out how to get healthy once and for all.  I think I am starting to figure it out.  There are three things I learned.  #1. I may seem like a confident individual but my self esteem is shit. #2. I act like I don’t care, but in fact I obsess over what I think other people are thinking about me and #3 my most basic problem is NOT my weight, but in fact my addiction/relationship with food.  I am working on these.

 

So in light of this, I am going to concentrate on me and feeding my body nourishing things.  One thing I learned, that seriously struck a chord was:

You can eat anything you want, in any amount! This is a choice! BUT, in making that CHOICE, you also choose the consequences of lethargy, self hatred and possibly weight gain. But you CAN choose it, just acknowledge that you do have a choice!

(Eating Less, Say Goodbye to Overeating by Gillian Riley) GREAT BOOK!!!!

It has left me with a lot to think about.  The self esteem is central because I need to believe that I AM worth the work.  This is huge.  I always wondered why my weight loss plateaued at 480 each and every time I lost weight.  I couldn’t seem to get passed it come hell or highwater, but it is clear now, that I didn’t feel I was worth the work or effort and ended up sabotaging myself out of low self esteem.

To work on this aspect of myself, I have ordered “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” and I plan on doing all the homework that comes with it.  I have got to sort all of this out!!!

Now, this does not mean I do not have weight loss goal, because I do, but it means my priority is feeding myself wholesome foods knowing that the weight will come off.

I want to lose 10lbs by Halloween

I want to lose 30lbs by New Years Eve

I want to lose 75lbs by My 35th bday May 24.

In WLS news, I got a letter from my surgeon for friggen February.  Seriously?  So yeah.  That’s where that is at.  Not even sure I want more surgery at this point. I keep going back and forth….its such a huge step and so risky…and I am still losing weight, albeit slowly.

I dunno.  Im tired.  Listening to the new P!NK album and nothing makes sense, lol.  Wish I could sleep!

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This entry was posted in Binge Eating Disorder [BED], Diet, FAT, Food, Health, Life, Losing Weight, Obesity, RNY/Bypass, Weight Loss, WLS, WLS and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to As Good of Time as Any…

  1. Another surgery is a huge step. I am kinda scared myself. If they approve me and I do get a chance to have it it will be even more life changing. I am not losing anything else, haven’t since March. Once I went off all my psych meds I gained 20 lbs back in like a month and then have been maintaining ever since. I don’t know that I can do it without another surgery. By the way, like I said yesterday, I look up to you and am very proud of you!

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