That’s right…I QUIT!!!!
I quit playing into this monsters hands.
I am in the throws of my ED. I have Binge Eating Disorder (B.E.D.) This in not to be confused with emotiona eating or compulsive eating. This is more like non-purging builimia.
For the past 2 weeks I have been struggling. Seriously. I gorge for days on end, then two days before weight in, I clamp down and drink green tea like it is going out of style. I AM still losing weight, but this is NOT healthy!!! Might not be hurting too much physically but mentally this is NOT health and health is what I am striving for.
A lof of people misuse the word binge, like “omg I had the hugest binge tonight and had 2 pieces of pizza” are you freaking serious???? No, a binge is like being possessed by demons and watching yourself from the outside. I cant explain it, but its like I leave my body and watch in horror as I self destruct. The whole time during a binge all I can hear is the voice telling me how disgusting I am and how beyond help I am and how worthless I am.
I have been feeding this monster by starving to try to make up for my bad days and today I am saying I QUIT! Even if I show a gain on Friday, I am NOT going to starve tomorrow or Thursday just to try to trick my body into losing. This is NOT the healthy way to go about things.
I have been in treatment for my ED before…TWICE! I have yet to meet someone who has diagnosed BED and been in treatment. No one gets it. I am sick in the head!!! But today I take a stand against the demon within. I will not restrict my calories just because you, Mr ED, have tried to control me the past couple of weeks. No. I am going to get back to “normal” if it kills me.
If I show a gain on Friday, it will hurt a little, and I will have to watch the negative self talk, but it is better to live in reality than play this sick little game with the demon within.