That’s right…I QUIT!!!!

I quit playing into this monsters hands.

I am in the throws of my ED.  I have Binge Eating Disorder (B.E.D.) This in not to be confused with emotiona eating or compulsive eating. This is more like non-purging builimia.

For the past 2 weeks I have been struggling. Seriously. I gorge for days on end, then two days before weight in, I clamp down and drink green tea like it is going out of style.  I AM still losing weight, but this is NOT healthy!!!  Might not be hurting too much physically but mentally this is NOT health and health is what I am striving for.

A lof of people misuse the word binge, like “omg I had the hugest binge tonight and had 2 pieces of pizza”  are you freaking serious????  No, a binge is like being possessed by demons and watching yourself from the outside.  I cant explain it, but its like I leave my body and watch in horror as I self destruct.  The whole time during a binge all I can hear is the voice telling me how disgusting I am and how beyond help I am and how worthless I am.

I have been feeding this monster by starving to try to make up for my bad days and today I am saying I QUIT! Even if I show a gain on Friday, I am NOT going to starve tomorrow or Thursday just to try to trick my body into losing. This is NOT the healthy way to go about things.

I have been in treatment for my ED before…TWICE!  I have yet to meet someone who has diagnosed BED and been in treatment.  No one gets it.  I am sick in the head!!!  But today I take a stand against the demon within.  I will not restrict my calories just because you, Mr ED, have tried to control me the past couple of weeks. No. I am going to get back to “normal” if it kills me.

If I show a gain on Friday, it will hurt a little, and I will have to watch the negative self talk, but it is better to live in reality than play this sick little game with the demon within.


I QUIT!!!!!!

This entry was posted in Binge Eating Disorder [BED], Diet, FAT, Food, Obesity, Weight Loss and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I QUIT!!!! ***TRIGGER WARNING FOR ED***

  1. foodaddictionrecovery says:

    I hope you get better soon. Good luck on your journey.


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