I must admit, I have felt better.

I’m so down right now it is insane. Medical peeps would probably put it down to bipolar, but when it too much to handle?  I just realised my BMI  has not been below 40 since I was younger than 2 years old.  I now need to get to a bmi of 40 for a double hip replacement as the amount of pain I am in is nearly intolerable.   At what point is suicide justified?

I know people who have lost weight. All of these people GOT fat.  I never GOT fat…I’ve just always been.  I feel like I am trying to win a race with my hands and feet tied together.   Most people, even other fat people, do not understand.  *sigh*

Seriously. When is it too much? How much more am I expected to deal with?  There is no end in sight.  I have to get down to 270lbs for a bmi of 40.  Last time I was that weight…I was 12. TWELVE fucking years old.

I give up. For today, I give up. Maybe tomorrow will be better….if I make it through today.

This entry was posted in Bipolar II, FAT, Life, Obesity, Weight Loss and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Hopeless…

  1. hannibal2003 says:

    I have friends who swear by Herbalife shakes to feel better and lose weight. But way more importantly, please don’t give up. I know life is rough and I know exactly how hard bipolar can be to deal with. On the worst days it feel like there is no hope, but there is. Even on days when you give up on the diet or on the day, don’t give up on you, because you’re important. Take care.


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