Disappointed

I have been working my ass off for the past month. Counting calories and working out for 6hrs a week minimum.

My total loss from May 13 to June 12 is a whole 3 lbs.  It started out great.  I lost loads in the beginning. But then it came back when I started working out harder.  I *know* it is muscle, how else could I lose 8 inches in 7 days? But what the scale says still stings a bit.  At this weight I should be losing a lot faster….or at least I would be on a “diet”. Although I am doing my damndest not to let my obsessive-nature take over and diet. That would be asking to fail. As we have heard over and over and over that diets, 95% of diets, fail and people gain ALL the weight back (and more) within 5 years or less.  I am trying so hard to work WITH my metabolism.  This could be the reason a) I am not losing very much and b) I am disappointed with such a small loss.

I wrote in my diary on May 13 that I weighed 486lbs. My plan was to lose 15lbs or more a month.  Yeah, that didn’t happen.  Maybe it will speed up once I stop building muscle? I dunno.  I have never exercised so hard whilst trying to lose weight.  Im confused and lost.  Most people say “at least you lost/didn’t gain” or “see, you really DO need surgery”.

It doesn’t help that I am having the WORST period in ages.  I just went through 10 days of PMDD. (It’s PMSes ugly psychotic cousin) I considered suicide, I considered divorce….it was bad. Very very bad.  I felt better mentally on Sunday but then the blood came.  And it is physically the worst in ages. I cannot leave my house.  I am in bed most of the time. I’m in a lot of pain…think how it would feel if someone scraped your insides out with a rusty spork. Yeah. Fun times.  So why tell you all of this? It means Aqua Aerobics is out of the question.  I have to just hold tight and accept what the scale tells me and then work my ass off next week when I can get back in the pool.  (ps- Im allergic to tampons)

Sometimes it feels like I just can’t win this battle. And my battle isn’t even to get thin! I just need to get to a bmi of 40 so I can get my hips and knees replaced so I can function like a normal human being.  It would be so easy to give up and disappear until the emergency services cut my dead body out of my house whilst the Daily Fail reporters snap shots and exaggerate the truth whilst robbing my dead body of its last hope of dignity. But something in me screams “Fight Fight Fight!”

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3 Responses to Disappointed

  1. kaypix says:

    Keep fighting, you can do it! I’d say incorporate a diet WITH exercise to help you lose the weight both faster, and set up healthier eating habits, lower carb and fat intake etc. Yes I’m on a “fad” ? diet but I’m doing it MY way, in a way I could do for life comfortably without feeling deprived. The forums I’m on have multiple people who started anywhere from 300-450lbs or so, some are below 200 at this point after a year or two.
    Alternative option: Find your doctor and find out your resting metabolic rate and go from there, do more cardio and less strength training if you just want to burn fat instead of build muscle. OK, random factness done!

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  2. AquaFitQueen says:

    I am combining diet and exercise…. :/ Have calculated my FDEE -25% which takes into account BMR. I am doing Water Aerobics/AquaFit 6 hours a week…it is both cardio and strength and it is the only exercise I can do as I am disabled and cannot even walk to the end of my street 😦 I am doing what I can and Im not giving up!!! Thanks for the support!

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  3. Definitely stick with it, even though it’s so hard. No one blames you that you’ve considered giving up-I think we’ve all been there. It’s hard when you know you’re gaining muscle, but the scale hasn’t budged. You know in you’re mind you’re fine but you still want the number to go down. Just try changing the types of workouts that you’re doing and the types of foods that you’re eating. Whenever you hit a plateau like that it’s all about changing things up. And don’t give up because you’ll crack through the plateau soon! Also consider changing your goals- 15 lbs a month is a LOT. Good luck and I look forward to reading more!

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