It’s Monday. The weekend is officially over. Funny enough, I slept through most of the weekend as I feel like I am fighting something at the moment….either that or my body is just catching up from the 4 and 5 hour nights of the past two weeks.
I’ve only been up for an hour and a half and I am already exhausted. Had a nice shower, dried, put cream on the psoriasis I could reach and then got dressed. By this point my hips are letting me know they are not in any way, shape or from, even slightly amused. I being stuck in the body of a fat 90 year old when I am in fact still quite young.
I also plucked my eyebrows…and the stray ones on my chin….PCOS FML. It would be sooooo much easier to have it waxed, but then I have the social anxiety about where to park, how are the people going to treat a disabled fatty and lastly will their chairs and tables hold my fat ass. So yeah, after I’ve thought about, had 10 anxiety attacks about it, it is just easier to pluck myself like a chicken in distress.
There is so much I wanted to do today!!! In my mind I am this able bodied person who can just get on with it and get things done. When reality sets in, I can’t help but feel like a bit of a failure. I need to plant my plants out. They are getting too big for their peat pots. To be fair, that can wait one day. Although, I do wonder if replanting them in bigger pots could be worth it until my hubster finishes making the raised beds. hmmm. I’m so tired already I dunno if I can even repot them today.
I also wanted to make a pork roast in the slow cooker. I heart my crockpot. I want to make pulled pork bbq sandwiches. Sounds simple enough, right? My hips hurt so bad right now that I don’t see me getting off this sofa any time soon. I should probably take some codeine. That shit is good. Codeine Phospate. All of the good stuff, none of the harmful stuff. Of course if I am in tears with pain I add my own harmful stuff by also popping a couple of paracetamol. To be fair, I think the roast can wait one more day. It’s use by date is the 19th and seeing as it is only the 16th…no need killing myself over a slab of pork.
One of the things I HAVE to do today is go see my GP. She needs to update my sick note, I need more codeine, paracetamol and femuline. I know you are probably like WTF is femuline? It’s an awesome progesterone only birth control pill. Because I am fat, the regular pill is dangerous as it causes blood clots, stroke etc. This shit doesn’t do that. I have to take 2 at a time to make sure they are effective. I’m too scared to get pregnant. Had an ectopic 5 years ago and that was terribly scary.
Tonight I am supposed to go to water aerobics aka aquafit. I do LOVE being in the water and moving about with very little pain. I do like being active and pushing myself. Do you know what I hate? Trying to get off a wet bathing suit/swim costume off my fat body. Thank fuck for the hubster. He helps me get undressed and gives me hugs when I cry because the pain is too much.
Another thing is, we have to use the disabled stall at the leisure centre to do all of this, but because I AM disabled, I am slow….so other people race in before me. Once I stood there waiting so long for the disabled booth that my legs started to shake like they were going to give out from under me. Now, I have learned. Let the assholes do their shit whilst I float around in the pool a bit longer. I did try to leave 5 minutes earlier but would you believe the very next week the cunts did the same fucking thing? The nerve of some people I swear. I wish they had to live a day of my life in my body and then see how clever they feel for taking what I NEED. Bitches. I hope you stub your toe!
Not that I am bitter, lol. Oh no, never, not me. It just seems that everything I do takes so much planning, and thinking and worrying that by the time it comes to do it, I am bloody exhausted!