Addiction or Obsession?

The scale, it calls out to me.  I try to resist its siren like calls, but sometimes I am not strong enough and end up giving in.  Is it an addiction, or an obsession?

I’ve always been obsessed with the number. Even at my highest weight, I was weighing every day.  I have a bariatric scale that goes to 1,000 lbs. (Thank God I never got to that!!!)  What is it about that number that has so much control over me?

If I step on the scale and I’ve gained weight, even if it is only a pound, I freak out and it triggers my binge eating disorder and I go out of control for a few days, making is worse.  If I step on the scale and I’ve lost weight, I celebrate…..with food. How fucked up am I? Seriously. Who does this shit? ME.

I’m so broken.  I feel so abnormal.

The last time I weighed, I had gained 6 lbs. And I know exactly why: simple carbs.  New York onion bagels are of the DEVIL!  This time was different though, instead of binging, seeing the weight gain motivated me.  I cut out all carbs except for green vegetables and the occasional kidney bean!

I’m on day 3 of super low carb and I am struggling not to weigh myself.  For anyone who has gone low carb, you know you can lose a lot of weight the first week.  I am resisting.  I know if I see a good number, I will relax and I don’t want to relax.  I like feeling motivated like I do now and I know if I weigh, it will mess up my head no matter what the number says.

So I resist.

My goal is to not weigh until my appointment in November with my surgical team. Can I do it? Can I resist?

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Binge Eating Disorder [BED], Life, WLS. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s