The scale, it calls out to me. I try to resist its siren like calls, but sometimes I am not strong enough and end up giving in. Is it an addiction, or an obsession?
I’ve always been obsessed with the number. Even at my highest weight, I was weighing every day. I have a bariatric scale that goes to 1,000 lbs. (Thank God I never got to that!!!) What is it about that number that has so much control over me?
If I step on the scale and I’ve gained weight, even if it is only a pound, I freak out and it triggers my binge eating disorder and I go out of control for a few days, making is worse. If I step on the scale and I’ve lost weight, I celebrate…..with food. How fucked up am I? Seriously. Who does this shit? ME.
I’m so broken. I feel so abnormal.
The last time I weighed, I had gained 6 lbs. And I know exactly why: simple carbs. New York onion bagels are of the DEVIL! This time was different though, instead of binging, seeing the weight gain motivated me. I cut out all carbs except for green vegetables and the occasional kidney bean!
I’m on day 3 of super low carb and I am struggling not to weigh myself. For anyone who has gone low carb, you know you can lose a lot of weight the first week. I am resisting. I know if I see a good number, I will relax and I don’t want to relax. I like feeling motivated like I do now and I know if I weigh, it will mess up my head no matter what the number says.
So I resist.
My goal is to not weigh until my appointment in November with my surgical team. Can I do it? Can I resist?