Well. I am doing it. Im 95% sure of this. I have contacted a surgeon to find out how I go about getting a referral. It’s a very exciting and scary time. I completely accept that this surgery could kill me. I accept that and know all of the risks involved. I did a large essay against WLS whilst at BSU. I am a hypocrite and that is ok with me. I wasn’t in the same place that I am now and I was ignorant to think I would always feel as good and as ok at the same size for the rest of my life. Age is wearing on me, significantly. My joints are killing me. At any given time my hips, knees or back hurt and on bad days they all 3 hurt. I am tired of struggling with food, I want to not feel hungry. I am dealing with my eating disorder in therapy, now I need WLS to take away the physical drive to eat. I am tired of always dieting and not losing weight, or losing the same 20 lbs over and over again. I am not deluded and know I will not be thin even with WLS. I know that if I make it through it that I will have to take supplements for the rest of my life and I know that when I lose weight I will have gross skin hanging off of me. I realise this and accept all of it.
I am opting for the gastric bypass. I thought about the band…and I’m even more freaked out about something crazy inside of me than I am complete mutilation of my digestive tract. I’m weird, I know. My husband is finally behind me. He is coming to realise that I won’t be around much longer if we don’t do something. He has watched me become less and less mobile. In Boise I had friends to do things with and that kept me active and happy. Here…I don’t have that and thus I just sit around online or watching TV…and it has only made a grim situation even worse. I don’t expect everyone to understand why I would do this. I can’t really explain the reasons other than I want a fair shot at long life….not some half lived struggle to walk sort of life. There is a solution to my problem. I do understand that I will be a on a strict diet for the rest of my life. I understand that if I eat sweets I will get violently ill. I welcome this. I just need the boost of WLS…as I am always on a diet anyhow.
I have a lot of things going through my head. I am full of hope for the future for the first time in a long time….a very long time.
The surgeon I contacted is on TV here in the UK and I have watched him perform WLS on people near my size and they lived!!! So I chose to contact him. Hopefully he will have information for me soon about how to go about getting an NHS referral. He already emailed me back asking where I lived…so hopefully I will hear something soon.
I am excited for the future, but I am terrified I am going to die on the operating table or shortly thereafter. So many things can go wrong!!!! I’m youngish and I’m perfectly healthy, so to speak…so hopefully I will be a textbook case:)
Now I’m off to join WLS groups and forums, lol